Of course it’ll be the happiest day of your life, with the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, surrounded by the people you love the most. But during this special day you’re allowed to feel a little bit sad, as you remember your nearest and dearest who can’t share the celebrations with you.
You want them to be a part of your day, not to detract from the spirit of it. Here at Wedding Ideas, we often see pictures of brides with small photos tied with a ribbon to their bouquet, or hear stories about emotional speeches made by the bride. You don’t have to make a big statement if it’s going to turn you into a blubbering wreck, there are lots of more subtle but equally poignant ways to remember loved ones who have passed away…
Dedicate a reading
Why not have a close family member dedicate a special reading to lost loved ones? Personally, we like this poem by an unknown author…
If Roses Grow in Heaven
If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother’s arms
And tell her they’re from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
And when she turns to smile,
Place a kiss upon her cheek
And hold her for awhile.
Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
But there’s an ache within my heart
Because I am missing her today.
This poem is good for anyone else who you want to remember on your big day…
Someone is missing
Let this candle be a loving reminder
that someone is missing today,
Someone our hearts still hold on to,
As we travel along life’s way.
Someone who made life so special,
for all those who gather here,
Someone who won’t be forgotten,
But cherished from year to year.
And now as we pause to remember,
Let us all fondly recall,
how dearly each of us loved him,
and oh… how he loved us all!
Here’s what some of our Facebook friends are doing to remember their lost loved ones…
“I’m getting married on my grandparents’ anniversary – the 30th of June,” says Michelle Durber.
“I went to a wedding where the couple placed a single Lily on the table beside the partner or children of the person who had passed away,” says Facebook friend Jo Lynch. “I thought it was a really classy way of remembering them but not dwelling on it too much.”
“We had donated money to Cancer Research and purchased charity pins for our guests for the favours,” remembers Abbey-Bernadette Roberts. “My husband and I had both lost a grandparent to cancer. I’m having ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ played as we sign the register which was played at my brother’s funeral. I’m also having my late grandmother’s ring on my bouquet and small photos of my brother and late uncle tied to it, too.”
Hopefully this has given you some ideas and inspiration. Hugs to you if you’re missing someone close today.
Rachel Southwood is Wedding Ideas' head honcho, the Managing Director. This doesn't mean she sits in a fold-up chair with a megaphone though. Drive, ambition, passion, fun. Rachel has it in abundance.
My wedding weekend is here, and I don't think it has really truly hit me yet that you won't be there. I've been through all the emotions and motions without you, yet two years later it still isn't real. It is actually less real than the day you left us. We talked about and dreamt about this day for so many years together. So the fact that it has finally come and you are not here is so surreal. After you passed away, I spent a lot of time feeling bad for everyone else in the family: mom, my sisters and the friends who lost you. It wasn't until I got engaged that I felt bad for myself. For the first time I felt like the victim of this unfortunate circumstance; I felt like the girl who was going to get married without her dad, and it was an extremely depressing and an uncomfortable feeling.
For the past two years I have lived my life in honor of you. I switched careers to work with Imerman Angels to make sure no one faces cancer alone. I've hosted radio shows empowering a younger generation about cancer prevention and early detection. I thought that this work was healing me and helping me to "get over" losing you. Boy, was I wrong. I've learned that this is a loss you never get over, and it is a healing process that lasts the rest of your life. I will begin to heal and I will rebuild myself around the loss I have suffered. I will be whole again but I'll never be the same. Nor should I. It is these major life events that make us miss you that much more.
For me, this major life event of getting married and the process that has led up to it has made me reflect on our relationship and the father and husband you were. I've found myself saying, "What would my dad do?" with any wedding dilemmas or catastrophes that have risen in the last few months. I've found myself yearning more than ever for one of your hugs or texts just to tell me "everything will be ok." There have been so many times during this process I've looked at mom and thought, "How is she going to survive this wedding without you?"
You were the dancer, the host, and the amazing, hysterical speech giver. So how on earth will she survive this night and play host without you? How will any of us survive this without you?
It was after agonizing over all of these questions for months and making decisions I never thought I would have to make -- who would give me away? How would we do that father-daughter dance that I've waited my whole life for? -- that I came to a realization.
I was in a market one afternoon purchasing a bunch of wedding day goodies for my bridal party, and the cashier asked me if I was getting ready for the holidays. With a big smile I answered, "No, actually my wedding day!" She congratulated me, and then told me that every time she tells her dad she is going to get married soon, he cries and leaves the room in sheer fear of how expensive it is. I laughed and totally agreed with her dad -- getting married is not cheap! She then asked me how my dad reacted when I told him I was getting married and wanted a big wedding. I was stumped, and while I felt the tears starting to well up in my eyes, I knew I did not want to make this nice girl at the register feel bad for asking the question. So I replied, "He is just so happy I finally found the perfect guy."
I got in the car after loading in my bags and thought about how true the answer I gave was. I know how happy you are that I have finally found "my person." That I found someone who is my best friend and will have my back for the rest of my life. You've prepared me for this day for the 29 years I had you here with me. You've showed me the importance of love and friendship and the true meaning of in sickness and in health. So I know how elated, proud, and excited you are that I am about to take this next step in life with someone who is finally so deserving of all the love I have to give. The truth is, I've felt you during this whole process and I know you are here with me. I've struggled with the best way to keep your memory alive on my special day and to make sure everyone there gets a feel for the hilarious, kind and loving father, husband and friend you were. But the truth is, the videos and photos that will play of you are just icing on the cake. You will be there with me and with all of us. As I walk down the aisle this week and down this yellow brick road of life, I'll always be your Dorothy, and you will always be the Wizard of my Oz. I know, no matter where I roam, you will always be a part of me. So although this is a walk we will not physically take, it is a walk and path that we will forever be on together, no matter where you are.
Love, Your Forever Little Girl
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